There Are Letters I Never Sent

#10

You are beautiful.

You have this way about you that just seems to light up the room when you walk in and it makes the atmosphere so much warmer. It’s hard to describe, but when I’m with you my heart starts to pound and I wonder if you can hear it. It’s this crazy feeling that I have when I’m with you, when I even think of you that makes me wonder if maybe we are meant to do something, make something of this life together.

Sometimes I wonder if you’re every going to notice me, you silly, oblivious girl. You look at me and if I’m lucky, you see me as a friend. Though I may very well just be another person in your life. You say these quiet things that you think no one hears and it makes me laugh so hard. And when you do actually say them so that most other people can hear them, the room laughs with you.

You are so beautiful. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too. Who ever said beauty is just skin deep was wrong because you are beautiful on the outside, but beauty also runs deep in your veins and fills your voice with kindness. You are amazing. One of the single most amazing people I’ve ever had the honor of meeting in my life.

But when will you notice me? I’m scared that you might never see the potential of what we have. You’re too busy looking at that other guy to ever see me, it seems. You’re too busy wishing you were more beautiful and funny so that that other guy will notice you. I wish you would just open up your eyes to see yourself as I see you.

I wish you would just open up your eyes and see me.

#9

hello, friend.

the other day, you and i had a brief encounter, and it was alright.  i felt like you weren’t happy to see me, but rather a moment forced between us.  the worse part is, however, that you’ve seemed to forget our first and last kiss.  there was so much in it and it meant a great deal to me. and i thought it would mean something for us. i thought we had a future together, i thought we would. but i was wrong, i was so wrong.

and now, i feel used.  it’s been 5 months, and you act like nothing happened, and you’re not even acknowledging my presence anymore.  if i stopped talking to you, you’d notice, but you’re not even man enough to do something about it.

you failed me; and now, i have to let go. and i will. like most things, this will pass and i will come out stronger.

goodbye, stranger.

#8

dear bestie,

i miss you. there’s so much i want to tell you that only you could keep up with. i want to tell you about the beautiful things going on in my life, like school, getting deeper with God, and really finding my place in this life.  i want to tell you about my messups, like getting on AP twice, getting caught up with boys (three), and getting into my first car accident.

i miss you. and i hope to see you again in heaven.

love you.

#7

To you, my soulmate.

I would give anything to have my 1 dream come true.

That dream is us, us being together forever. Spending my entire life with you, waking up next to your beautiful face every morning.

Please promise me, that you will never give up on us. No matter what obstacles we’ll face in this life that’s ahead of us cause I know we will.

You need to know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I know I don’t always show it but the moment you came into my life it changed, for the better. I have this amazing person, my soulmate who I care for even more than myself, who I would do anything in the world for in my life, I will never let you go for you’ve become my life.

You’ve taught me how to love, shown me what a bestfriend is, and how lucky I am to have such a special person.

Some say first love never lasts, but it never dies. I want you to be my only love, to always have this fire that burns brighter throughout the years to come.

I love you to the sun and back, forever.

#6

We started out as friends, and I had no intention of letting you get into me as much as you have….There are too many miles between us, I told myself. I just enjoyed your company. I started to look forward to having you with me…looking to see if you were there, waiting and truly smiling when you came. Then, when I had the worst week of my life, it was you that sat up and talked with me for hours…letting me cry, calmed me and gave me hope. That was it…that was when I let you in.

I don’t know for sure how deeply you feel for me. You send me poems and write words of passion to me that have such an impact on me. I am scared though, that if I let myself fall all the way for you, that you will suddenly realize I’m not worth it. That there are too many obstacles to overcome to allow yourself to love me the way I want so badly to be loved by you. My thoughts through my day though, always drift to you.  I think about your eyes, and how beautiful and intense they are when they look at me, or your lips and how I can’t wait for them to kiss me, or to feel your arms around me, holding me safe. You have built up a passion in me that I am afraid to let out. What am I going to do?

(Source: lettersweneversent.blogspot.com)

#5

Dear Sweetheart,

It’s so funny because we are both online now, I couldve have just send this to you but nevermind, I know you - you will not read this anyway or if you read, you will not reply not a single word.

First I thank God for bringing you into my life, I could never ask for more for I have seen what Im looking for in you. We were so full of love and passion with each other til one day we had this terrible situation in our relationship. I have accepted you as who you are, I have loved you not only your strengths but also your weaknesses. I have love you not only your success but also your failures. I have loved you not just because we have dreams for our future but I hav loved your pasts as well.

I have been hurt many times in this relationship but look where I am now, I still keep on holding on and trying to believe that with God’s help we will overcome this battle.

Yes, despite of what happened I have learned to forgive I am trying but I could not help myself to forget completely. You know that I am here for you because I love you although at times it seems like youre doing something else at my back. I try not to judge you or “accuse” you Im sorry, but can you blame me for that?

Sometimes Its so hard to believe you but because I know you love me and I love you too, I manage to ignore those negative thoughts.Somehow I want to give this relationship a chance. Its so painful to see and know that I cannot have you (for now), cause I know that you have so many things to take care of. Yes you know that Im willing to wait, and I know you know how much Ive proven that to you. I try not to discourage myself cause like you, I have also plans for us, that someday we will be together and live our lives together full of happiness, with our own kids and just taking care of each other.

You know my concern for a long time now, I have so many questions battling on my mind. Yes, what if were together in the future, can we still be happy just like we were before? You already know what Im trying to say, all I want in this relationship is just you and me and no other people involved. I love you babe but my trust for you is not made complete anymore. I have given you my full trust from the start but you didnt take care of it.

I need you, youre the only one I ever wanted in my life. I still hope and pray that you will still fulfill your dreams for us. Im sure you know how much you mean to me. I almost give up many times but everytime I think of you, I hold back alot. Babe im sorry for not complety trusting you I hope you understand, I am just so scared for our future. I wish you were here with me I feel so safe when we are in each other’s arms. I will wait but I cannot promise you now forever. Now baby, it’s not up to me anymore if you want me in your life but you will find a way to put me there. Ive given so many things for you and for this relationship, now I need you to do your part. I need you to help me.

I deeply deeply love you,

C.

#4

g33ky:

dear x,

when you place your palm on my head when i place my left cheek against your right shoulder and you gently stroke through my hair, it gives me the shivers in the deepest of crannies and nooks. you electrocute my nerves, electrify my soul, set me alight with a single touch. 

love, 
y.  

#3

hi person,

i love you. but you don’t understand why i did what i did.  you keep saying that you understood, but you don’t.  i feel like this is a good place for me to let it all out so that we can finally move forward, but the healing process is taking a long time.

i love you, but not in the way that you think i do.  i love you enough to know that if we don’t work, i should let you go.  you see, i’m blessed with compassion and it is also a curse.  a more selfish person would’ve just kept you, but i can’t do that to you.  i’m not like that.

i wish we can be friends again, but you just want to be familiar faces.  you just want to pass by one another and be content.  i am not content. it was the worst feeling ever when that was your choice.  i know i said i’d be okay with it, but i was a liar.  i can’t do that.  i want to be friends. but you’re afraid and you know it.

you’re afraid that if we’re friends again, we will travel down the same road again; you’re afraid of moving past what we had.  well, so am i.  i’m afraid that being around you will remind me of what i willingly let go; i’m afraid that i can’t be just friends with you even though that’s what i have to settle for.

if i didn’t have to deal with this medical condition, we’d be together still.  but this is a battle that i know you can’t handle.  you have so much more on your plate and i know it. you also had to grow and focus on things that mattered, not on some girl that may not survive some unknown disease.

there have been others, yes; but there hasn’t been anyone like you.  i’m sorry. you’re not really going to forgive me though. you still haven’t really forgiven me, and i doubt you ever will.

but you also have faults.  i can’t ignore them.  you took every opportunity to mold me into someone you would like more..you’ve made me fear and that’s something that i can’t shake off.  you made me choose, even if you don’t think so. and it has put my life into ruins.  you don’t realize it, but you did.

he was right, i would do all the work in our relationship. i was afraid of that too.  you thought that you put in enough work when you thought it would matter, but it IS like a boat - constant work is needed so that the boat moves forward.  you burnt me out and now, i’m afraid of relationships, commitment, and rejection.

exercise love?  you didn’t do so. and you try, but it isn’t enough.  i love you still and i am still afraid. i let you go so that you can grow; i let you because i knew you needed someone to fuel your growth - you didn’t need someone to spur you on anymore, you needed someone to give you a push because you needed to fight your own battles.  i was no longer going to constantly push you because you needed to do it on your own - and you can’t do that with me.

sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go for a moment.  your moment has been years now.  i hope you can forgive me come find me again.

always,
isly.

#2

dear you,

i wanted to let you know that i’m not okay with whatever it is that is going on.

apologies,

me.

#1

hi.

you and i aren’t friends anymore. but i wish we were.  people often ask my why that is and i’m left without an answer because i wish i knew.  it makes me sad sometimes when i think about the awesome times we had once upon a time.

let’s start at the beginning, shall we? seriously, we were two peas in a pod - ridiculously similar and better together.  we had the power to shut everyone else up and a shared joy of harmony.  we became best friends in high school, early high school, we’d tell each other EVERYTHING..and then, i was your secret keeper, i played the back and forth.  learning, understanding, and playing referee.

the first flaw was of my role.  as a best friend, it is my DUTY to protect you. and when you began to get to caught up in this guy who DID tell me what he told me first, i protected you.  and when he changed his mind, i wanted to let you down slowly and gently, but it slipped too quickly and i was done.

the second flaw was of my character.  it was my compassionate nature that threw myself under.  i let someone into MY life, and i let her run in.  i let her.  there’s no other word for it.  she came into our group and slowly pushed me out.  by the end of it, i was alienated and i was never again able to rejoin the group of friends that i was once a part of.

the third flaw was of my heart. yes, i had a boyfriend.  and balancing life without one was difficult enough, adding him made it worse, but hey. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU? you weren’t there.  instead, i learned on my own.  yet, i feel like you thought i was letting go of you, but i wasn’t, i was trying SO hard to cling onto you.

you pushed me away. it made it hurt to try anymore.

but i’m wiser now. and to me, you’re still my best friend and you will still wear that ugly bridesmaid’s dress.

and for all its worth. i’m still sorry.

with my best,
me